the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
