trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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