I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
