Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i believe in u and ur pee
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
