my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We have started to decorate penises.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
