started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
