All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
