So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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