We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
