I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
