Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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