if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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