i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
