First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
