ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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