watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
