but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
