I showed him my bush... on skype.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
