I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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