Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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