her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
