When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
