I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
