I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
