I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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