Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
