oh god the rape fog is back!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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