you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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