this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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