READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
