I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
