is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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