sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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