I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
