it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Pants are for mortals
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
