They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
