is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
