so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
