Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
