WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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