I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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