Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
