He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize
