I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
