the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
