she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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