I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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