What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
