so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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