You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
