dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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